Once the surgery date is set, your heart wavers in a strange way. You have heard countless times that it is fortunate it is only carcinoma in situ (DCIS), but the moment a circle is drawn on the calendar, that word "fortunate" somehow stops feeling real. It is even more so for the person standing beside her. There are many cases where the caregiver loses more sleep at night than the patient does. It happens because you do not even know what it is you do not know.
Pain after a total mastectomy really differs from person to person. Still, the one thing people commonly describe is that it feels less like a sharp, knife-cut pain and more like a heavy, tight, aching pull on one side of the chest. In most cases it can be controlled well enough with pain medication, and the hardest stretch is usually from the night of the surgery through the next day. Many say that once they get past that period, they felt better with each passing day. Do not just grit your teeth and endure it. For recovery, it is far better to say it hurts when it hurts and to take the medication on time.
The thing that probably feels the most unfamiliar is the surgical drain. A thin tube comes out from the side of the chest and fluid collects in a small container, and the timing of its removal is decided by watching how quickly that fluid decreases. If the caregiver records the amount collected in the container by the hour, it helps the medical team make their judgment. While the tube is attached to the body, even sleeping positions and changing clothes feel awkward. Preparing front-opening shirts or button-up clothes in advance turns out to be a surprisingly big help.
At first, the arm does not lift well above the shoulder. Do not be alarmed. The point is not to force it up, but to follow the gentle exercises you are taught little by little, and the range of motion slowly comes back. For small actions like washing hair or using a spoon, she may need help for a few days. The busiest time for the caregiver is the few days of hospitalization and the week or so right after discharge. After that, the things the patient can do on her own increase quickly.
And one more thing. Along with the wound on the body, a wound to the heart comes too. People often say that when she first faces how one side of her chest has changed, the plain ordinariness of someone beside her treating her just as usual becomes a greater strength than any words of comfort. You do not have to try too hard. Often, just being there beside her is enough.
What is written here is only a general account drawn from various experiences, so pain and the pace of recovery ultimately differ from person to person. Be sure to check the specifics directly with the medical team at the hospital performing the surgery.