Some days my eyes open too early. When you live with illness, your sleep grows thin, and you find yourself blankly staring at the ceiling while it is still dark outside. At times like that, I cannot manage a grand prayer. Just something like, "Let me get through today safely, and not become a burden to the person next to me." It is short. But that single line holds my heart together surprisingly well.
After getting sick, I kept finding wants rising up in me. I wanted to recover quickly, to get better results than others, to have my prayer answered first. It is only human, I would tell myself, and yet at some point I realized it was making me look only at myself. Everyone gathered in the same hospital room, the same cafe, was struggling just as much, and I was only watching my own turn.
So these days I try to turn the direction of my prayer a little. Not begging for my own sake, but asking to become a warmer person for those beside me. Honestly, this is harder. When the body tires, the heart shrinks along with it, so instead of kindness, irritation comes first. And yet, strangely, when I add a single line for someone else, my own knot loosens first. Far more than when I only try to receive.
There is an old saying that no matter how fine the things you possess, if there is no love within them, they amount to nothing but a noisy clanging. When I first heard it, I let it pass. But once I fell ill, I found the words were true. No matter how long and lovely the words of comfort someone offers me, if there is no sincerity in them, I cannot hear a single one. The opposite is true too: a person who simply takes my hand without a word can carry me through several days.
So this morning's reflection does not need to be long. Trim your wants by one notch, and in that space let in one person beside you. That is enough for a day. There is no special method or secret. It is just practice in keeping the grain of the heart a little softer.
This piece was written to share my heart with those walking the same road, not to recommend any particular treatment or faith. Read it without any pressure, and go at your own pace.